Not Ready To Come Back, Or Am I?
by Ms.OliviaStabler
Summary: My first FanFic please be nice! Goes back to season 8 when Olivia talks to Cragen about coming back! Really bad at summaries, please R&R.
1. Chapter 1

_Here I am in my office thinking about the case, the rape victim, hearing John say his conspiracy stories and Olivia. Who am I kidding, the only thing in my mind now a days is Olivia. _

_Why would she just leave, turn off her phone and leave. So much for a goodbye. I thought we were partners, friends, no best friends. Then I hear Casey coming down the hall talking to someone. I'm pretty sure she is talking about Liv._

"_I'm sure she's fine. It's my case that's in trouble!" Casey says to George as they walk in and walk towards my desk._

_I look at Casey with anger, hurt, and the look I only give to perps. "Seriously Casey! You're going to stand there and worry more about this case than Olivia. And to think she considered you a friend." _

_As Elliot turns to George I see the desperation in his body and language to find Olivia. I do care about her. So I stay there and see what George tells Elliot._

"_I can't tell you where she is, and even if I did I couldn't tell you! You know that's it's a matter of FBI." As I'm saying this to Elliot I see the hurt in his eyes. I knew that Elliot and Olivia where close, but I had never been able to see it in his eyes._

"_I'm not gonna give away state secrets, I just want to make sure Liv is safe." I can't believe that George doesn't want to help me find Liv. _

"_Elliot I told my SAC, and they should have passed it along to her agent." I can finally see Elliot's protection toward his partner. I mean he's so worried about her and it I know that we all are._

_A few Weeks Later_

"Liv?"

I can see her staring out the window and I'm pretty sure I know what she's looking at. I've known Detective Olivia Benson for eight years, I know her heart has been broken at the sight in front of her.

"Olivia, you with me?"

I can't believe it. There he is, the man I was hoping so much to see, Elliot. I missed him so much it hurts to even think about it. I want to just go out there and make him see me. See if he has missed me like I did. Or has he replaced me with "Beck."

"Olivia."

Dang Captain has been talking to me and I ignored him. "I'm sorry, what was that Captain?"

_**At the same time Elliot and Dani talking.**_

"Hey Elliot, how did it go in the interrogation?" she says.

That's Dani and her small talk I think before answering,

"Ahh.. He's not our perp, he's just a sick son of a bit*h." Oh man I have something in my shoe. I hold on to Dani's chair, no Olivia's chair. _Olivia_. Where are you Liv? I ask myself that question so many times.

"I said that I don't have a spot for you right now but I can put a rush on it." Secretly I would rather have Olivia over Dani. It's nothing against Dani, it's just that I see Olivia as my daughter now. The daughter I never had. I want her so bad to come back, so I can see for myself that she is safe, but I can hear it in her voice as she answers me that she is hurt by seeing Elliot with Dani so close.

"Ahh.. No I'm actually not ready to come back, that's why I came over, so I can tell you." I say that as cooly as I can. I don't want him to tell how my welcome back is affecting me.

"I'll see you later," I say walking over to the door, hoping he won't ask what I know is in his mind

"Are you really going to leave without seeing Elliot?" It's pretty much a statement not a question. I know that Elliot has been wanting to see her badly.

I turn around quickly and see Elliot with Dani again. I think it's better off if he doesn't see me, he looks to be at ease with my replacement. I look at the Captain and say, "Yeah he looks busy, ill just call him later" but I know that I'm not, so before the Captain tells Elliot to wait for my call I tell him, "in the mean time though, don't tell him I was here." I shut the door and leave Cragen staring at me.

"Who's with the Captain?" I ask Dani since she was here at her desk, no Olivia's desk I remind myself. It will always be her's.

"Umm.. A brunette woman, kind of tall. She seemed to know the Cap since she just walked right in." I can feel like Elliot knows this woman, because all of a sudden he's running to the captain's office.

I know I might be crazy but by just that description I'm almost sure it's Olivia. My Liv is back. I walk right into the captain's office and he's standing looking at me with disbelief because I just walked in without even knocking. I cool down and ask "Captain, who was just in here?" my voice came out almost a whisper.

I'm standing here, just have seen Olivia walk out my side door and Elliot marching through my front one. I wonder if Elliot made out Olivia walking out..? He didn't or else he would have followed her.

"Captain," I say again more sternly because he won't answer my question. I look into his eyes and I can tell that it was her. I mean how didn't I notice in the first place, the office even smells like Liv.

The captain just stares at Elliot, and without saying a word, he nods his head to his side door. It was HER!

I take off running through the side door, I can hear Dani screaming out my name, but I'm trying to figure out what way Liv went. She must have gone through the back side, or else I would have seen her.

I'm running so fast that I can feel and hear my heartbeat. I don't know if it's the running or the happiness Olivia gives me. It's a long hallway, yet I can see her as she's about to get in the elevator.

"Liv!" I'm screaming so hard everyone just stares at the elevators, they must be wondering if it's Liv as in Detective Olivia Benson. Everyone has missed her because she is one of the best detectives here. She is also amazingly gorgeous.

"LIV!" I try harder but the doors are already closing.

Oh my god, I think to myself, its Elliot. He saw me but he couldn't have I came through the back side door. I don't want him to see me like this, such a mess. I know Cragen must have told him, because he is the only one that knows I'm back.

"Olivia, wait!" and I see it. I see her small hand reaching for the doors to stop them from closing.

My whole body has gone numb, but somehow my hand is now in front of me, stopping the doors from closing.

The doors have never seem slower than right now.

As the doors finish opening I look up, and he's there, he is really there. His amazing blue eyes are almost making holes into my brown eyes.

I see her there standing. Her hair is longer even though it's in a pony tail and yet it looks amazingly beautiful. She's wearing a simple sweater and it fits her body perfectly. It's been so long since I've seen her.

My feet start walking on their own, I only notice this because I am somehow now in front of the elevator. She's staring at me with those amazing brown eyes but she isn't moving.

"Liv." It's only a whisper, but I'm pretty sure she heard me since her eyes water up. I'm not sure why, is she scared of me, or is it because she also missed me.

Oh no, he just called me Liv. I was wishing to hear him call me that, it just sounds so perfect when it comes out of those beautiful lips. I can't do this; I can't talk to him now. I'm trying to figure out what to do, but all I manage to do is walk out of the elevator.

We are standing so close I could feel him breathing on my face. I could smell his cologne. The one that drives me crazy, the one that makes me want to take him here now. I also see that he just shaved, I'm dying to put my hand on his cheek and just hold him. He looks even hotter than last time I saw him.

I can see her perfectly. She looks amazing with her hair so long and those long bangs that stop just above her eyes. Her amazing brown eyes, so big I can almost get lost in them as I stare at her. Those amazing full pinkish lips, I have always wondered how they would feel on mine.

It's really only been about 4 minutes. But it feels more like hours are passing by. Next thing I know, I can feel his hand on my upper arm. A shiver runs up my back and to my neck. He's pulling me away from the elevators; I just noticed that there were cops here waiting for us to move.

I don't know how I got the courage to touch her but I had to move her from there. I have to talk to her alone, because here in front of so many cops I know I won't get the courage to hug her, or cry for us, or kiss her. I put my hand on her arm, and I could feel the heat through her sweater.

"Elliot," I say trying to get my arm back from his hand. His hand falls slowly and I instantly miss his touch, but I don't know where he's leading me. I can tell he was trying to take me to the roof since we are by the stair case that leads up.

Oh no, she's backing out. But from what, we have barely said three words. I have to talk to her, in private and I just have to hug her.

We can hear foot steps, I know he hears them too because he looks away from my eyes, but in a second they are back to my eyes.

"Elliot there you are, I was looking…" she says but stops.

I stop looking at Olivia just to see what she wants, "What do you want Dani?" I didn't mean it to sound so harsh but it did, because she was interrupting a very important moment.

"El, ill just…" I start but am cut off by his hurt and sincere eyes.

"Don't. Even. Think. About. It." He says pronouncing each word under a whisper that I'm sure only she and I can hear.

"The captain wants us to go look at the perps house." Her voice is full of hurt and wonder.

"Go with Fin, and ill talk to the captain about it later." I say to her. I turn to Olivia again and with a nod I put my hand on her lower back and lead her to the rooftop.

We get to the rooftop and were looking over the city standing next to each other without saying a word, I finally get the courage and I ask her, "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"

"I had no choice Elliot, Star had everything done so fast when I got my cell phone it was already disconnected."

"So you did try to call me, or where you going to check in with Cragen?"

"Is that a rhetorical question El?" She asks me with the most beautiful smile that I have missed so long.

"When are you coming back, because I don't know if I can do it without you anymore." I say more in a whisper

"You seem to be hanging pretty well in there without me."

"Liv," I say slowly as I grab her elbow so I can turn her towards me. I wait for her to look at me, and when she does I cant help but fall in love with her even more, "NO ONE, I repeat NO ONE will E-V-E-R replace you."

Were so close I think if I tilt my head down a little I could kiss her amazing full lips.

"You will always be the one partner I want to have, the only best friend I need," I grab her hand in mine and put it over my heart, " and you will always be the only one in here, in my heart."

"Elli.." I don't even know what to say, my vision became blurry with all the unshed tears, I look down because if I look into his amazing eyes I will break completely.

"Liv," he says to me as he puts his finger under my chin and tilts it up. I can already feel a tear sleeping down my cheek. He sees it right away and wipes it off so softly with his thumb. "please don't leave me ever again."

Before I realize what is happening I feel his lips brush ever so slightly against mine. Its sweet and full of tenderness. I kiss him back just as sweetly. He tastes so sweet and good, I don't ever want to stop.

When we finally pull apart he rests his forehead against mine but my eyes are still closed. His hands are resting tightly on my waist and my arms are wrapped tightly around his neck.

"Olivia I love you so much I don…"

"Shhh.." she puts her slender index finger on my lips and looks at me with those big brown eyes, "I love you too Elliot."

And with that we kiss very passionately again without caring what will happen next, just being happy that we are together again.


	2. Chapter 2

"Elliot!" Dani yells with panic in her voice from the entrance of the rooftop.

We immediately stop our kissing, and look at each other like a deer caught with the headlights.

"Is that what you do with all your woman partners Elliot," I'm so hurt, but mostly mad because since his precious Olivia came back he just left me like I was a nobody, so I blunt out the rest to let Olivia know what he did in her absence, "you go harsh on them at first, then soften up with them, then take them to the rooftop and make out?"

As I'm listening to this I wonder if anything that Elliot told me right now was true, or was I just one more on his _Kiss The Partner_ list. I look at him with hurt in my eyes and wonder if he kissed Dani. As a detective I already know the answer, but as a woman, I don't want to believe that he replaced me. So I ask him,

"So Elliot, is _that_ what you do with your partners? Or is Dani just trying to get me rattled up?"

I'm just looking at Liv, and replaying what just happened, we KISSED, I told her I loved her and she said she loved me back, I was so sure we were going to try and work us out, but with Dani's outburst, I'm not so sure anymore. So all I have to say now is the truth, even if it means losing Olivia again.

"Liv, please let me explain, it's not wha…"

"Don't even finish that sentence Elliot, don't stand there and try to tell me it's not what it looks like, when everything is very clear." I'm such an idiot for thinking he actually loved me; he was just being the same old player he is. If it would have been Dani up here he would have done the same thing.

"Elliot, just leave me alone, and forget everything that happened tonight." I start to walk away because this is hurting me so much. I just want to get to my lonely apartment drink a whiskey and go to sleep. I want to forget everything that happened, it was a mistake. And as I'm walking past Dani I say, "He's all yours, again." And with that I'm gone.

"Olivia!" I start running to the door, it only took me about two long minutes to realize what had happened, "Liv!" but I'm stopped by Dani who is blocking the doorway.

"Elliot, she said to leave her alone, I thought that you wanted to be with me, you know with everything that we shared.."

"We only shared a kiss Dani, and that's it, I'm not trying to be mean or an ass but both you and I know that the whole time I was thinking of Liv. And I am really sorry for doing this to you Dani because you don't deserve it, you deserve someone better."

He tells me that with sincere in his eyes, I almost forgot why I kissed him too, because I missed my husband. Because I wanted to feel close to someone again, but I understand, I understand that neither him or I will be happy if I continue with this.

"Go Elliot, and hurry, you cant lose her again." With that a tear slips of my eyes, but I know Elliot didn't see it because he is already running down the stairs trying to catch up to the love of his life.

I'm running so fast, I'm taking two steps at a time, and at the very bottom I almost slip, but I cant let Liv leave like that again, not again. John and Fin are walking in through the bullpen as I run to my desk to get my phone and keys.

"Did you guys see Liv on your way up?" I ask kind of in a hurry, and they stare at me like if they just saw a ghost.

"Liv? As in Olivia? She's back?" Fin asks me really surprised and by the look on Johns face, I'm pretty sure he doesn't know either.

"Ughh, yeah she just got back, sorry guys ill explain letter!" I run out because by now Liv is probably at her apartment. As I step out into the cold night, I realize then that I didn't bring my jacket. Where can she be? At her apartment, at O'Malley's? Im almost a hundred percent sure shes at her apartment, so that is where I am headed first.

What did I do? I am so stupid for thinking that Elliot actually loved me, of course he doesn't, he already replaced me with Dani. That's why he didn't even bother to come running after me. It only takes me a couple of minutes to get to my apartment, tears are running down my cheeks one after another. But I wipe them off, because I think Elliot isn't worth my tears. I make my way up the building, I take the stairs instead of the elevator. And about two minutes later I'm at my door. I walk in and toss everything at the table that's by my door, switching on the lights and locking the door with both the bolts. I walk into my kitchen and reach for a glass in my cupboard, then reach for the whiskey bottle to its left. I walk over to my couch with all lights off except the kitchen one which is very dim, and kick off my shoes. I sit and poor myself a glass, and drink it so fast like if its water. I can feel the burning sensation down my throat but that is exactly what I need.

As I'm starting to relax I look over at the clock and notice that its already 11:32p.m.

"Good thing I don't have to work tomorrow." I think to myself. As I remember the events of today fresh tears start running down my cheeks. I'm so lost in my own little world I didn't hear my phone ringing. Then it rings again, it doesn't take a genius to know who it is, so I let it go to voicemail. But then a couple minutes later there is a knocking on my door, no there is a banging at my door.

"Olivia open up!" I yell to the door in front of me. Its been a while since I last came. I knock harder, "Liv please open up." I say more softer. I know she is in there I heard the phone ringing the last couple of times I tried calling. I don't hear any movement so I assume she is deciding to ignore me, so I try it again.

"Olivia, open up, please, unless you want your neighbors which I am sure are already annoyed to…"

"What the hell do you want Elliot?"

"Can I at least come in?" I say trying to make my way inside.

"NO you cannot, so just tell me whatever you need to say and turn around and leave." I have to be stubborn and mean, because I wont let him hurt me again.

"Olivia please, I don't think this is a conversation we should have in the hallway." And with that I push my way in to her apartment and walk towards her couch.

"ELLIOT! How dare you come in here like if its your own home," im so pissed that he just walked in like that, that I slam the door a little to hard and walk over to him giving him the death glare.

"How much have you had to drink?" I ask her because there is a half empty bottle of whiskey on her table and she looks like shes been drinking.

"Its none of your business, so just tel.." I start but am cut off by Elliot suddenly screaming.

"It is my business Olivia! You think drinking yourself till you pass out is going to solve your problems?"

I ask her very mad, because she is usually not like this. She walks over to the table and grabs the bottle, she starts putting it to her lips, and I plead "Olivia don't."

But its too late, the bottle is already in her lips and I can see the liquid going down her throat. I walk over to her and reach for the bottle. I yank it from her hands and throw it on the floor, I grab her face with both my hands and I put it so close to mind I can smell the alcohol. "You are my business Olivia, YOU are everything to me, so please, don't do this to your self."

"I don't want to be yet another woman in your life Elliot, I just don't want to get hurt anymore, you can stay with Dani, and ill just go back to computer crimes and we can all go on with our lives okay." I cant even look at him in the eyes.

"Livia, you wont be another woman in my life, you will be the only one. I promise not to hurt you no more because when your hurt, I am too, I don't want to stay with Dani I want to…"

"Elliot just stop please.." I say just above a whisper.

"No Liv, I let you talk, now you gotta let me talk, okay." I get closer to her if that is even possible and I put one hand on her lower back and the other on her cheek.

"Like I was saying, I want to be with you Liv, and I don't want you to go back to computer crimes. I cant stand being away from you, I need you with me. I want to say the 'L' word to you, but only if you are going to believe me and you wont freak out on me."

"Elliot, I also want to be with you, but I don't think that we can, if IAB finds out…" I was cut off by Elliots finger on my lips.

"Shh.." He smiles and so do I because he is doing what I did to him at the rooftop.

"Please Olivia, stop fighting this.."

I tilt my head towards her as I pull her closer to me from the waist, I brush my lips softly against hers and just savor the moment of my lips on her. I softly open my mouth a little bit to get access to her lower lip. I put it in between both my lips and bite it slowly then I release it and I kiss it softly again.

I trace her lower lip with the tip of my tongue, and she lets out a sound from the back of her throat that sounds so much like a moan, and hearing her makes me moan too.

Before I can get better access to her mouth I feel her hands go around my neck and I feel one of them behind my head and pushing it towards her. She is enjoying it and so am I. I just have to feel and taste her mouth completely, so I push her against the wall slowly and I put my tongue in very slowly, tasting her.

"Hmm… Elliot." I try to stop him but it comes more as a groan.

"I love it how you say my name."

He starts kissing my neck, nibbling softly below my ear, than he goes down my collar bone and sucks lightly, I cant help but let out a soft moan. He bites at my neck and then I feel his tongue trace over it. I feel my legs buckle and I thank him for holding on to me. He puts his hand on my waist touching the visible skin with his thumb. He then moves his hand a little higher so now all his hand is touching my skin, and it sends goose bumps throughout my whole body.

I don't know what's going to happen from here on, but my body is responding to just the kissing and touching. Those goose bumps Liv got from my touch made me get goose bumps too. I continue touching her, just slightly on her waist, and I have kissed her neck everywhere. Ill remember to thank her later for wearing a low cut v shirt, its giving me easy access to go lower and kiss her lower. And as I'm slowly kissing my way down when she stops me.

"Elliiott." I try to sound harsh, but it sounds more like a beg. As much as I am enjoying this I don't think we should continue. I put my hand on his chin and pull him towards me. He puts his lips so closely to mine I can feel his hot and fast breathing on my lips. "We cant Elliot."

I see the disappointment in his eyes and rephrase myself before he gets angry and decides to leave.

"At least not here." I knew he was thinking the worst because his eyes had fallen to the ground, but he immediately looked up into my eyes and gave me that famous Stabler smile.

"Come on Detective Benson." And with that I pull her towards her room, hoping that it will really happen, hoping that I will be able to show her how much I love her.

**A/N: Okay so I think this one was shorter, but I didn't know if I should have done a second part, so please R&R. Tell me if I should do another chapter and if you guys liked this one. This is my first FanFic so please be nice! Thank you very much for reading it. Hope you guys enjoy it.**


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